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Still [Mar. 1st, 2010|03:09 am]
[mood |indifferentindifferent]

I am trying to get tired by writing this.

My insomnia has gone insane these last few weeks, not good when I decide to do things and I just can't, so I am off to town to buy herbal stuffs and maybe even a comfierrrrr pillow, I don't know what to do really!

I cried for atleast half an hour, all because of you.
It's been a year and yet letting you go seems like the simplest thing in the world, nope.
I know nothing will bring you back, literally.
How do you greive?
How can I carry on knowing I will never know you anymore....I can't even remember your voice, I really can't.
I hate the fact, I still had so much more I wanted to know about you and ask you, and say to you and do with you and FUCK.

I need to sleep
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Text [May. 20th, 2009|10:58 pm]

I have to avoid texting you at all costs. Everytime i touch my phone, everytime i look at it, i want to text you.
OH WHY. This heart break business is bullshit!
I'm just tired, you know just tired? I want to smile and make it all better. Your lingering around without even being near me. It's ridiculous!

regrets Rickards is back in town!

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Pardon me [May. 6th, 2009|01:46 am]
He said he misses me. This confuses the shit out of me. He's aplogised time and time again. Why doesn't that make it better? Because we'll never be the same.
AHHHH i'm going out of my fucking mind in this town, these people. Him.
I miss him like crazy and he cares. I mind that. Make things easier if i knew he didn't care.
damn it.
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Myspace [Mar. 16th, 2009|12:11 am]
[Current Location |Bed!]
[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |Prince-kiss]

Hello, ready for depression again!

I can't delete my myspace...literally, i can't.
I wish I could, whenever i'm on there it reminds me of when I would check yours to see what you were doing and see how you were, if you had any new pictures.
I go on there now and see that you've not been online since your death. It kills me, i remember looking about 2 days after it must have happened and seeing you hadn't been online and wondered why.
Then i found out, now it's all instilled in history.
I saved your default picture. I felt like in a perfect world it was you and me, weirdly enough, i don't think anyone else would think that, but i do, I know for a fact you weren't thinking that, you were probably thinking "JAGGERS GOT A NICE COAT AND A HOT BLONDE" but to me it has a deeper meaning and that's all that matters.

I got sad for the last time the other night.

I refuse to do it anymore, it's killingggggggg me man! Get out of my fucking head, i need to live!

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Death [Feb. 16th, 2009|02:23 am]
[mood |sadsad]

Here is the deep stuff going on here.

2 people i loved have died.
One that i really did love. possibly the first person i've felt this way about, everyone talks about that feeling, i honestly never did.
Until him.

He's gone and it pains me so much to say that he didn't deserve it because i was horrible about, he's gone now and i feel terrible.
I miss him deeply, i miss lying with him, i miss watching films and having him give his own commentry. i miss making jokes about him being deaf and old.
I miss spending time with him.

I don't know what to do with myself, so much so i'm using livejournal.
I feel lost, i wanted things to work for us, i wanted to make him happy, i wanted to prove to him we could work. Stupid i know. We couldn't. its a fact, He was so special, i only wish he knows that, i only wish he knows how much i cared and how much i'd have liked to have been there with him.

And as for him, well he was my heart, we weren't close towards the end, but in previous years we so were, he was rock, he was the guy that i would go to the confidence boost i needed. He was a beautiful soul, with a huge heart, so big, it failed him.

What a way to go, 2 beautiful souls, with wonderful hearts, and both being failed by them.

I'm so sorry that i didn't tell you i loved you. I'm so sorry that i didn't tell you again that i loved you foo.
You were both so amazing, i feel as if God is testing my faith, i feel as if you were too good for me to know you both.
Wherevever you areeeee, i hope it involves good movies, good music and hard liquor, you sweethearts.

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(no subject) [Aug. 9th, 2007|04:42 pm]
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YES YES BIG BIG [Feb. 12th, 2007|11:34 pm]
[mood |crappycrappy]
[music |TV]

I love a bit of livejournal on the quiet!
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I WANT TO GET AWAY I WANT TO FLY AWAY. [Jun. 20th, 2006|12:39 pm]
[Current Location |My room.]
[mood |cynicalcynical]
[music |Jelly.]

So i am 16.

WOO comes to mind, haven't got my presents off my parents yet even though it was my birthday what 8 days ago.

Friggin technology and it's late-ness shit.

I got a nice photo frame with memorius pictures made by Vicky and Louay which was very touching, would be on my wall, but i am not bothering to put it up yet, cause i am currently in limbo with my walls!
My parents have gone out AGAIN, so i am stuck here like 'YOU HAVE TO WALK HERE AN D THEERE' and i probabley don't even have enough money to eat out, which is a big wake up call.

I should shut up now really, but i really don't have the energYYY.
At my witts end with friends at the moment, people just sometimes say the wrong things in situations!
I can't do anything about this though, i am keeping my eyes open and my mouth shut on such things.

So the neighbors across the back are threatening to call the 'RSPCA' on us because the dog barks alot which makes me wanna throw things at their young children.

HOW FUCKING PATHETIC ARE THEY, RSPCA MY FUCKING ASS, that dog gets treated better than me, and i get treated better than my brother and my dad!!!!!
Fucking house renting people are always fucking annoying and think they own the neighborhood, if they had been living there long enough they'd realize he is a puppy, but no they're apsolute, fucking idiots whom seem to think we're treating him badly because he barks when they shout at him!

I would actually go round there and give that woman a peice of my brain, but this is'nt the nicest and happiest of neighborhoods, so i might just leave it there and pretend i did something when the RSPCA people take Tizer away haha.

Yeah and GOODNIGHT. even though it is 12.51 in the day.

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Cheapest trick of a woman is to bluff. [Jun. 2nd, 2006|02:20 am]
[mood |jubilantjubilant]
[music |:::::::::::Tv innit:::::::::]

I am feeling bored.
And sometimes when i am bored, i update my livejournal.
Not that i have any friends on here, aha, but neverless here is an update in my life.
I am currently in the process of failing my GCSE's, so that is all that is really to do with anything.
No boyfriend LOL, like someone, but we shall leave that there as things always come back to me when names are named.
I am so amazing now that i can touch type, last time i updated i probabley could'nt.

I am currently watching something to do with 'ASSISTED SUICIDE' and how it's not legal.
AHA, they're all hicks.
It's bloody orrible' this programme as theres a stupid mong at the side doing sign language, she keeps scaring me cause i keep thinking, "hhhhhm one day you'll look like that mel".
I friggin hope not, i mean maybe she's a happy person, but yeah not for me.
'LORD GOFFY' has a bill, no-one liked his motion, Britain hates assisted suicide according to this proge!
Bloody email your questions to the panorama website apparently. OOOFF.
Did that wrong i think. LOL.
What a friggin failure.

So that is how strongly i feel on this little life o' mine.
YEEEY big brothers big mouth.
Bye Bye now world of LIVEJOURNAL.
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